someone to love me
by Veerleke
Summary: Severus Snape has been keeping a secret for a very long time, but now it's about to come out.This story will be Sevitus and will contain mentions of mpreg.
1. a beautiful day at privet drive

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter universe. I'm just borrowing it to let out my creative urges._

Warning: this story will be Sevitus (that means Sev is Harry's dad) and mentions mpreg. If you don't like this, don't read my story.

**A beautiful day at Privet Drive**

It was a beautiful day in Little Whinging, Surrey. Unfortunately, not everyone was enjoying it, as at number 4, Privet Drive, a young boy sat in his room.

Even though his holiday had only just begun, he was already sick and tired of it. The main reason? He missed his school, he missed his friends, and most importantly, he missed his godfather. It didn't help his mood much, that said godfather had just died, and through his own fault. If he hadn't been tricked into going to the Ministry of Magic by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, better yet, if he hadn't angered Snape so bad that he had stopped his occlumency lessons, than Sirius wouldn't have had to come to his rescue, thus he would still be alive.

The boy, Harry was his name, was so depressed, that even his aunt and uncle, who didn't like him at all and would like nothing more than to never have to see him again, were beginning to worry about him. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep and barely even moved at all.

The only thing he would give the slightest response to, was his pet owl Hedwig. She had been his companion during the holidays ever since Hagrid had bought her for him before his first year at Hogwarts, and he wasn't going to let her down by ignoring her.

Today was different than the previous days, because it was exactly a month since Sirius died. While Harry was contemplating on that, he felt that there was only one thing he could do. He would follow his godfather and say goodbye to his life. He couldn't live without a person who cared for him, who loved him just for him, just Harry. So he did something he hadn't done since the holidays had started. He got up and walked down to the kitchen. There he went to the drawer with the kitchen knives, and took one to slice his wrists. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't paid attention to the fact that both his aunt and uncle were in the kitchen, and before he could put the knife to use, his uncle had already taken it from him and restrained him so he couldn't try again.

"What do you think you are doing, you stupid boy!", uncle Vernon yelled. "If you think we're just going to let you kill yourself in our kitchen, you're making a terrible mistake! You are not going to make your aunt Petunia watch you die!"

In the mean time said aunt Petunia had awoken from her stupor. "Okay, that's it! I'm writing to those people and I'm telling them they can better make sure you get a grip! You are not going to die, least of all while in my care!"

She took a note and a pencil, and wrote a quick note, explaining what Harry had tried to do. Then she tied it to Hedwig's leg, telling her to go to the person she thought could help Harry the most.


	2. a letter he never expected

_Disclaimer: I own nothing in this universe, if I did, I wouldn't be trying to get my diploma, cause I'd be rich _

Warning: Sevitus (this means Sev is Harry's father), mpreg! Don't like, don't read!

A letter he never expected 

Severus Snape was sitting behind his desk in his personal chambers. Maybe you would think it sad that he didn't leave the school even for the holydays, but it didn't matter to him. He felt safe at Hogwarts and that was the only thing he cared about. Besides, if he went to his house, he'd only be reminded of what he had lost all those years ago.

You see, contrary to popular believe, Severus Snape did have feeling. Only, he had decided to bury them deep down fifteen years ago, on the night he had lost everything he had left. Well, better not think about that too much, he thought, it was no use trying to regain the past. And besides, his life would take a turn for the better soon, because the charms protecting the past would wear of on the night of the boys sixteenth birthday. He would get his son back, if the boy still wanted him, that is.

Oh, how he hoped the boy wouldn't hate him for the way he had treated him in the past. It was just a lot easier to pretend to hate the boy, to keep the boy away from him, than to let him get close and not be able to recognise him. It just hurt too much.

Suddenly an owl came flying through the window. He recognised her immediately. It was Hedwig, his son's owl. It could mean only one thing, the boy was in trouble. And he needed his father. Otherwise the bird would have gone to the headmaster. He hastily untied the letter from the bird's leg and began to read it.

_To whomever it may concern,_

_Please come and get the boy away from here as soon as possible. He has been depressed ever since he came back for the holydays, and hasn't spoken to anyone. All he did was lie on his bed and sleep all day long. And today he came down to the kitchen, to try and kill himself with a kitchen knife. Luckily we were in the kitchen at the time and succeeded in stopping him before he could really hurt himself. We do not know what else to do with him, and pray you come and get him before he tries anything like this again. We will not tolerate the boy dying in our house. _

_Sincerely, _

Petunia Dursley 

Severus gasped. He had let this continue for more than enough time. His son felt so lost, so alone that he had tried to kill himself. He just couldn't believe it. He had almost lost the only thing he had left. No, he couldn't let that happen. He needed to get to the boy, needed to know he was safe, needed to tell him everything, to take him in his arms and just hold him, like he had held him when he was just a baby. God, he hoped it wasn't too late, that he could repair the bond with his son, his little angel.

With those thoughts in mind he firecalled the headmaster and informed him that he was leaving the castle because his son needed him, and that he would be back in a short while. Without giving the man time to respond he disconnected the floo and set of to collect his son.


	3. Fetching Harry

_Disclaimer: I own nothing in this universe, if I did, I wouldn't be trying to get my diploma, cause I'd be rich _

Warning: Sevitus (this means Sev is Harry's father), mpreg! Don't like, don't read!

Fetching Harry 

As he approached privet drive, Severus Snape was nervous. "What?" you'll say, "Severus Snape, nervous?" But, yes he was terribly nervous. After all, it wasn't everyday a man would step up to a boy not even sixteen, to claim he was his father. All right, Severus admitted to himself that he was scared, mostly of being rejected by the boy he loved so much.

There it was, number four, the house his boy grew up in. He stepped up to the front door and, with a last sign of hesitation, rang the doorbell. Moments later, the door opened to reveal a very fat boy. 'Mmm, must be Dudley', he mused. "What do you want, we don't buy things at the door", the boy said and tried to close the door. But Severus was faster. He put his foot between the door and calmly send his coldest glare at the boy. "I believe your parents send me an owl, requesting my help with your nephew, boy. Now let me in, before I have to force myself an entry!"

Dudley, clearly impressed by the stranger, just stepped aside, admitting the man to the house. "Dad, there's a freak here to see Harry", he jelled as loud as he could. Next thing he knew, he was being held up by his shirt, the dark stranger looming over him "Don't ever call a wizard a freak again, boy, or you will very much regret it. If I hadn't come here for urgent matters, I would teach you a lesson right now. Understood?" Dudley gave a nod, upon which the stranger let go of him. At that he ran up to his room, strangely enough with his hands clutching his bottom.

As soon as the boy had disappeared, Severus stepped into the living room. He had to control himself very hard not to let his mask slide. He would tell his son everything, but not before they were out of this house. When he saw that his son was still being restrained by his uncle, he did the only thing he could think of. He took out his wand and stunned the boy.

After that he turned to address Petunia.

"Ms Dursley, thank you so much for sending me that letter," he began, but Petunia interrupted him. "Who are you, and how do I know that you can be trusted?"

"I'm sorry, my name is Severus Snape, and I am Harry's potions professor. The headmaster gave me permission to collect Harry, so we can give him proper treatment. I assure you I only stunned Harry just now to protect him from harming himself." With that he decided to lift the stunning spell on Harry.

The boy looked at him sadly. "So, the headmaster didn't even have the guts to come and get me himself, did he? I should have known. It just took my trying to kill myself to make him realise that he can not risk loosing his precious weapon, did it? I hate him! I hate you! After what you did to me, after how you treated both me and Sirius, how dare you show yourself here! Did you come to gloat? See that poor little boy that can't even stand to be around himself? Come on professor! I know you would have loved it if my uncle hadn't stopped me! No more Potter Brat to teach next year!" By now the boy was nearly hysteric, he was just ranting on and on.

Suddenly he found himself embraced in a pair of strong arms, not able to move and he heard his professor whisper to him. "Please, Harry, believe me, I have not come to do any of those things. I would be devastated if anything should happen to you! There are so many things I have to tell you, I have to explain, but I don't want to do that here. Please come back to Hogwarts with me, so we can talk. You have every right to be angry, but please, if you don't want to stay after I've explained, I will let you go where ever you want. Please just come with me!" he pleaded to the boy.

Letting go of the embrace, he looked into his son's face. The boy just didn't seem to care about it. In fact, he didn't seem to care about much of anything. He just prayed that the boy would want to hear him out. Because if not, he wasn't sure how he would solve this situation.

"Okay, professor, whatever! Just get me out of here. But I'm warning you, whatever it is you want to tell me, it'd better be something good. I just can't handle any more bad news for the moment."

"Come on Harry, let's go. Sir, Madame, we'll leave you to your business. I thank you again for the letter you send me, and for all the years you have taken care of Harry." And with that both Severus and Harry took their leave, taking with them all of Harry's possessions.

A/N: So, what do you all think? Please review, I'd like to know if my writings are appreciated.


	4. Explaining the past

_Disclaimer: I own nothing in this universe, if I did, I wouldn't be trying to get my diploma, cause I'd be rich _

Warning: Sevitus (this means sev is Harry's father), mpreg! Don't like, don't read!

Explaining the past 

As they walked away from number 4, neither man spoke a word. They turned the corner onto Magnolia Crescent, and walked towards the house of Ms Figg, the kind old squib that used to be Harry's babysitter whenever the Dursleys were tired of him. She had a floo connection they could use to get back to Hogwarts. After seeing who was at her door, she immediately let them use her floo.

They flooed straight into Severus' personal chambers, witch he locked immediately to keep prying eyes (mostly Dumbledore's) out of their conversation. Silently, he pointed the boy towards a chair. The boy sat down on it and looked at him expectantly. "Well, you wanted me to hear you out? So shoot already!"

Severus wasn't sure how to begin. Even after all these years, he didn't really know how to explain to his son, that he was, well, his son. But he knew he couldn't stay silent for long. Because than the boy would just decide he didn't want to hear him out anymore.

"I'm not sure how to begin, Harry, I ..."

"Wait a minute," the boy interrupted, "did you just call me by my first name?"

"Yes I did, now do you want to hear this, or not?"

"Okay, okay, I'll keep still"

"Good! Oh Merlin, I haven't even begun to explain, and we're fighting again already."

"Sir, why did you act like that at the Dursleys, like you really cared about me? I just don't understand. There is no reason for you to care. You hate me, just like you hated my dad, and just like you hated Sirius! Why did you tell me you didn't want me to get hurt? I just don't understand!" Harry was once again raging.

"First you need to understand something, Harry. I didn't hate your dad. I disliked him for a while, but I never, ever hated him. Harry, I ... I loved him with all my heart. I was devastated the night he died. And then I learned you survived, and everything changed. My sole purpose was to make sure you would survive the war, even if it meant denying myself that what I had longed for most, what could have made me happy."

"Whoa, rewind, you 'loved' my dad, you denied yourself that what could have made you happy? What do you mean by all that?"

"I loved your dad, and he loved me. Harry, your dad was never married to Lily, and she wasn't your mother. He was married to me, and I carried you inside of me for nine months. We both loved you so very much. And when Voldemort attacked your home, and you survived, I had to make sure you stayed safe. Even if it meant I could never have any friendly contact with you. Even if it meant having you grow up without parents."

By this time Harry was just sitting there. He just looked at his pro- no, his father, mother, whatever, not believing what he had just heard. Or what he was seeing, because by this time Severus Snape, Snarky Potions Git, was crying. This just couldn't be real. It just couldn't be! He knew who his parents were, James and Lily Potter, who had loved each other even while still at Hogwarts. Who had never loved anyone besides each other?

"No, no, no, no, no, it can't be! YOU'RE LYING TO ME! QUIT LYING TO ME! YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY TO MOCK MY PARENTS, DON'T YOU! JUST STOP LYING TO ME!" with those words he just sunk back into the chair, too exhausted to yell more, not wanting to believe what Snape was trying to tell him .

"Harry, I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but it's the truth! Please believe me! You remember the Whomping Willow incident in my fifth year, well after it your dad and I became friends, and eventually even more. Lily, well let's just say she found out pretty early on. And she agreed to pretend to date James, who was like a brother to her, so my parents wouldn't find out. They would have killed the both of us right away, if they had found out. After we graduated James and I married in secret, while James and Lily held a big fake wedding. Only Sirius knew about the real thing by then. My parents had joined the Dark Lord, and they forced me to get the mark too. Don't ask me how, 'cause I won't tell you.

Harry, when I found out I was pregnant, it was the happiest day of my life. I managed to keep the pregnancy hidden, while Lily pretended that she was pregnant. And then I delivered, and James and Lily took you into hiding because Dumbledore told them about the prophecy. I missed both of you so much, but when James died I knew I couldn't go to Dumbledore to claim you. You would've been in danger, not only from those still loyal to the Dark Lord, but you would've been shunned in the entire wizarding world because you were a Death Eaters' son. I couldn't do that to you. But then you came too Hogwarts, and you looked so much like your dad. I'm sorry I treated you like I did, but I had to keep you away! I had to make you hate me, because I wouldn't have been able to turn you away, to not tell you everything, had we been on friendly terms with each other. I am so sorry Harry! But please, please, give me another chance. Give me a chance to show you a reason to go on! Please Harry, I just need you alive, even if you want nothing more to do with me."

Severus was at a loss for words now. He didn't know how to continue. But he didn't have to, because his son was now on the floor, hugging himself and calling out for his Papa.

"Please Papa, help me, it hurts, it hurts to think of daddy, or aunty Lils, or uncle Paddy. Please Papa, make it stop hurting, make me stop remembering."

Not knowing what else to do, Severus knelt down next to his son, and pulled the broken boy into his arms. The boy immediately clutched unto him, and they just sat there for a long time, just comforting each other, both of them just mourning the loss of their loved ones for the first time.


	5. The old coot meddles

_Disclaimer: I own nothing in this universe, if I did, I wouldn't be trying to get my diploma, cause I'd be rich _

Warning: sevitus (this means sev is harry's father), mpreg! Don't like, don't read!

Explanations again 

What seemed to be ages later, both men were shaken out of their stupor by the flaring of the fireplace. As they turned towards it, the headmaster's head appeared.

"Severus, you're back! Now would you care to explain what you meant by going to get your son? I didn't know you even had one. But of course, if he's your son, he'll be welcome to stay here. Oh hi there, Harry, I didn't see you." With that Dumbledore did a double take. "Harry? What are you doing here? Wait a minute! Severus? What is the meaning of this? What is Harry Potter doing in your chambers? During summer holidays, when he's supposed to be with his family?"

"A good day to you too, Albus, why don't we come up to your office and explain everything? I mean if that's okay with you, Harry?" And with that Severus looked expectantly at his son. Dear Merlin, his son! It had been years since he had allowed himself to think about the boy like that. It just felt so ... right to think of him like that. He just hoped Harry would one day consider seeing him as a parent.

"Yeah, fine by me, I mean, he'll have to find out sooner or later, won't he? Well, then I'd rather have it be sooner than later. Who knows what he'll come up with if we don't tell him?" Harry looked at his father. His father! Merlin, he had a father! He just hoped that maybe, maybe that little display of emotions earlier meant that his father, the man he remembered calling Papa when he was just a baby, was willing to make this work somehow. Then he would have a real parent again, a family, instead of a bunch of people who just couldn't stand him (by which he meant the Dursleys).

The small family made its way up to Dumbledore's office in silence. Just before they entered, Severus turned towards his son. "Look, Harry, I know there's still a lot I have to explain, and you probably have a whole bunch of questions left, but please don't ask them in there. I will answer your questions in due time, when we are in private."

Harry looked down at the floor and muttered a quick "okay Papa." He wanted to make Snape like him, so the man would not mind that he had the 'Boy-Who-Lived' as a son. So he wasn't going to do anything to upset the man.

Dumbledore looked up when Severus entered, Harry in tow. When he saw Severus sit down, inviting Harry sit in the chair next to him (witch the boy did almost before the invitation was given), his eyes began to twinkle blindingly. "Well, Severus, care to explain?"

"Well, headmaster, I don't think there's much to explain. I told you I was going to get my son, to bring him to stay with me, and I did, as you can notice," he said, while indicating the young man sitting next to him.

"And would you care to explain how Harry here would have come to be your son? Because last time I checked, he was still the very image of James Potter. So how could he be yours in stead of James's?"

"But headmaster, whenever did you hear me tell you that James wasn't Harry's father? I would never dream to insinuate something like that."

"Now I'm afraid I'm not following anymore Severus. Didn't you just tell me you're Harry's father? How can you be, if James is too?"

"Headmaster, don't tell me you don't remember that some pureblood families are capable of male pregnancy? Surely you must have heard of it in the past."

"But, what about Lily, she was James' wife and I saw her pregnant with the child."

"What you saw, headmaster, were a couple of strong charms, that apparently even convinced you of the fact Lily was pregnant. In reality it was me who carried Harry, and I made sure to stay well hidden. As to James' marital state, he was married to me, making the very public wedding he held with Lily to fool everyone, null and void. Give it up Albus, Harry's mine, and after all this time I don't plan on giving him up again."

"Well than, I guess congratulations are in order. Although I would like to know why you didn't claim him when he was a baby. You both would have prospered much more, if you'd had had each other."

"You know as well as I do, Albus, that I couldn't have claimed him back then. They would never have given me custody over their precious 'Boy-Who-Lived'. I was suspected of being a death eater, for Merlin's sake. Even if I was a spy. And I had to keep him as safe as possible. I had to keep him alive. If that meant leaving him with Lily's relatives, and never acknowledge him, than so be it. The only reason I went to get him now, was because of Petunia's letter. And of course because the charms will wear off on his birthday."

"And what was the letter about, if it made you decide to collect your son? And why did she send it to you? Did she know?"

"Let's just say, that Harry had a hard time dealing with Sirius' death. And no, she didn't know anything. But she send off Hedwig with a letter to the person who would care most. Therefore, the owl instinctually came to me. Upon reading the letter, I knew the time had come to claim him. I just hope he will be able to someday forgive me for everything I did to him, even if I only did it to keep him safe."

"Well then Severus, I guess there's nothing more I wish to ask you at this moment. The wards on Harry will be transferred on you, so he will be safe even if he didn't spend the necessary amount of time at the Dursleys. However, we shall speak of this in the future, be sure of it. I want to know more details. But I realise you need some time with your son right now."

"Come on Harry, let's go back to our chambers. Oh, headmaster? Could you arrange for a room for Harry to be added to my chambers?"

"Of course, Severus. Now run along. I have arrangements to make, and a lot of work to do."

_AN: I need a beta for this story, anyone who is interested, just send me an e-mail._


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